Would you be part of an arranged marriage?

Other cultures perform arranged marriages but would this be an option that would work in our country..probably not. I think it wouldn't primarily because woman are now not oppressed and have their own carers. I couldn't imagine my family selecting a partner for me. Sure, they know you but realistically it takes more than good match making. I watched 2*/2* last night and the topic was about chemistry the science of seduction. I know that chemistry is very important either you have this "connection" with the person or not. Robert watched it with me and we back played (tiv*) it several times to try to figure out which "personality" type we both were. I was curious to see if Robert would be able to select the one that I was and he did. He also found it amusing that I was able to tell him which couple wouldn't make it (they had some trial thing on there). He asked me how I knew and I told him that I could tell that the one woman wasn't into that guy. I told Robert that often a woman knows instantly whether or not she'd sleep with you.

I have not dated a lot of men prior to my husband. In high school I had two boyfriends. At 16, Bryan (and it was only because I was allowed to go on a car date) he wasn't a bad guy but I was 16 and liked being picked up, taken out for pizza, a movie. I remember one time he bought me this necklace which had two halves and I couldn't figure out why he would buy this for me. I know it sounds ungrateful but I really didn't like him and after a while I had to break it off with him (he even met my father once when my father picked me up for visitation).

Then there was Ron. Ron was one of the nicest guys I ever dated. I met him at a juice bar where we would frequent on Friday nights. A place where you could go and have fun meet others from different schools and just hang out. Ron went to school in New Len*x which was quite a ways from where I lived (maybe a 30 minute) drive but when you are in high school this is far. Ron and I dated my entire year of high school and we would write one another notes (exchange them when in person), we would call during the week (even though it was long distance and I would get into trouble with my mother) and we would in the beginning meet up at our favorite hang out. That hang out was a turning point for me. It kind of taught me how to "slow dance" with a guy, and have good conversations. It wasn't like just going to a movie where you couldn't talk etc. He would come to my house and pick me up and we would go out and do various things. Ron never made any move on my whats so ever which after a while I thought he might be gay. He did tell me that he had sex before but didn't want to force himself. Good thing because I was a virgin and there was no possibility that I was doing it at that age (I already knew this at about 13 years old that I would wait, not for religious reasons but it was something that I knew was sacred).

After awhile Ron broke up with me. We had a long talk and tried to work things out but his reason was. I just don't think you like me. I guess even at that age I wasn't demonstrative of my feelings for him. I did like him A LOT, he treated me really well, I was attracted to him but I didn't "love" him. We talked about trying to get back together but he clearly didn't want to and I was pissed off. The good guy that he is he still took me to my Prom. At prom we danced a bit and went to an after party hosted by the school where else? Our Friday night hangout. Ron was distant but still a great guy for not standing me up and still taking me, buying my a beautiful bouquet of flowers AND he bought me flowers during the year (what high school guy does that)? So it was over. Ron married the woman he dated after me and they have two beautiful children together.

After Ron maybe a few years later I met another guy Jeff. I might have been 18 or 19 and Jeff was 22 or 23 I can't remember but what I do remember is that my mother was not too pleased with his age. Jeff was in a band with his cousin and brother and I have seen them play. I really liked his brother John and after I had a party at my house I got a call from Jeff. I was so excited thinking that he was going to tell me that John liked me but nope. Jeff had asked me out. Jeff was a nice guy but was living with some woman Melissa (his story was they broke up) which I think is true because once he brought me to her place for a party and I met her very strange. I remember Jeff telling me that he "loved me" and I smiling but not in a way that I felt the same way" I was kind of side swiped. I was thinking, I am only 18/19 years old, I don't love you. Now, I think it was a ploy to try to get into my pants (which he never did). Jeff was a short thing, but also treated me very well. He decided to stick with Missy I think primarily because her parents supported her and he didn't come from such a well to do family and basically felt secure with her. I got that because I was NOT going to be married up or anything. He once told me that he and I had more in common than him and her and that's probably true.

There were some in between but nothing I would call "boyfriend". It was just for exploration (but not the real thing).

Then came Fredrik. Fredrik the Swede. I met him in college and he lived in my dorm. When I first saw him in the cafeteria there was an instant spark. From a far I was instantly attracted to him and then when he opened his mouth I was like he's foregin (very interesting). So a group of my friends basically knew his friends and they invited him out to a party with us. It was a house party on the north side of chicago and really an Art INstitute of Chicag* students having the party. I only knew my group but Fredrik and this other guy Matt who I absolutely couldn't stand kept buzzing around me all night. I remember telling Matt off becuas he was just such a stupid asshole and I thought oh Fredrik is an asshole too. I coudln't stand him. My friend Kelly like Matt and asked me to go to his apt with her. I did. And who was there Fredrik. I was like oh god...these two fucking idiots. Well after time and time (fredrik and matt were old enough to buy beer) we would go to Matt's and drink some nasty alcohol. This was really the first time I really drank. Fredrik and I would talk. Kelly pulled me aside and told me that Fredrik really liked me. I knew that I kind of liked him from a far but after the assholishness (is that a word) at the party I was turned off. Well one night he held my hand and it was instant "chemistry". I felt something inside that I have never ever felt with anyone up until that time. We dated for several months and he even moved into my dorm room (which my mother didn't know about). Then the school year ended and he went back to sweden. Without going into too much detail Fredrik and I shared very special moments together. He was very kind to me and was the love of my life. 7 months later I was in Sweden over Christmas/New Year meeting his parents. The trip was fantastic, his parents LOVED LOVED me and I loved loved them. Fredrik not so much. We fought. I think he was trying to find himself (before he had asked me to move to CA with him) but at that age I wasn't going to. I was scared. Bottom line we went through a huge huge ending of our relationship and details will not be divulged here.

Then there came a guy Bob that I met. Bob was a high school music teacher who smoked cigarettes which made me want to barf anytime I ever kissed him. Bob lived about an hour away in a house with his cousin. I remember kind of liking him but not really. I guess this would have been my rebound guy. Again, I had to cut it off but I think i was kind of mutual. I guess I realized it when I didn't really care if he called or not.

I am not a emotionally expressive person. I am not a woman who fawns over a man and I think I am more like a man in some cases.

THe next person I meet becomes my husband. I am too tired now to write anything but my relationship has been 15 years now, married for almost 9 and I love him like no other. He is an extension of me. He has seen me at my very worst. We have been through death of family members, loss of babies, loss of jobs, relocating to a new city together. I am truly blessed that we have found each other. I knew after a few Morten's that he would be my husband. Instantly I knew. Even as madly in love I was with the Swede it is NOT the same. The universe sent to me a kind, caring, smart, beautiful man and for that I am grateful. I look forward to continue growing old with him and continuing to build our life. I won't write a lot about him in our love affair because it's sacred to me and he will be the father of my child and the person that I will lay with for eternity.

I hope that everyone out there finds the kind of love that will make them happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Marriage is work (any relationship) but it's worth it. I look back in the past and realize that it took that to get me to where I am now. My path to Robert had a lot of bumps along the way but I have made my way.