Would you be part of an arranged marriage?

Other cultures perform arranged marriages but would this be an option that would work in our country..probably not. I think it wouldn't primarily because woman are now not oppressed and have their own carers. I couldn't imagine my family selecting a partner for me. Sure, they know you but realistically it takes more than good match making. I watched 2*/2* last night and the topic was about chemistry the science of seduction. I know that chemistry is very important either you have this "connection" with the person or not. Robert watched it with me and we back played (tiv*) it several times to try to figure out which "personality" type we both were. I was curious to see if Robert would be able to select the one that I was and he did. He also found it amusing that I was able to tell him which couple wouldn't make it (they had some trial thing on there). He asked me how I knew and I told him that I could tell that the one woman wasn't into that guy. I told Robert that often a woman knows instantly whether or not she'd sleep with you.

I have not dated a lot of men prior to my husband. In high school I had two boyfriends. At 16, Bryan (and it was only because I was allowed to go on a car date) he wasn't a bad guy but I was 16 and liked being picked up, taken out for pizza, a movie. I remember one time he bought me this necklace which had two halves and I couldn't figure out why he would buy this for me. I know it sounds ungrateful but I really didn't like him and after a while I had to break it off with him (he even met my father once when my father picked me up for visitation).

Then there was Ron. Ron was one of the nicest guys I ever dated. I met him at a juice bar where we would frequent on Friday nights. A place where you could go and have fun meet others from different schools and just hang out. Ron went to school in New Len*x which was quite a ways from where I lived (maybe a 30 minute) drive but when you are in high school this is far. Ron and I dated my entire year of high school and we would write one another notes (exchange them when in person), we would call during the week (even though it was long distance and I would get into trouble with my mother) and we would in the beginning meet up at our favorite hang out. That hang out was a turning point for me. It kind of taught me how to "slow dance" with a guy, and have good conversations. It wasn't like just going to a movie where you couldn't talk etc. He would come to my house and pick me up and we would go out and do various things. Ron never made any move on my whats so ever which after a while I thought he might be gay. He did tell me that he had sex before but didn't want to force himself. Good thing because I was a virgin and there was no possibility that I was doing it at that age (I already knew this at about 13 years old that I would wait, not for religious reasons but it was something that I knew was sacred).

After awhile Ron broke up with me. We had a long talk and tried to work things out but his reason was. I just don't think you like me. I guess even at that age I wasn't demonstrative of my feelings for him. I did like him A LOT, he treated me really well, I was attracted to him but I didn't "love" him. We talked about trying to get back together but he clearly didn't want to and I was pissed off. The good guy that he is he still took me to my Prom. At prom we danced a bit and went to an after party hosted by the school where else? Our Friday night hangout. Ron was distant but still a great guy for not standing me up and still taking me, buying my a beautiful bouquet of flowers AND he bought me flowers during the year (what high school guy does that)? So it was over. Ron married the woman he dated after me and they have two beautiful children together.

After Ron maybe a few years later I met another guy Jeff. I might have been 18 or 19 and Jeff was 22 or 23 I can't remember but what I do remember is that my mother was not too pleased with his age. Jeff was in a band with his cousin and brother and I have seen them play. I really liked his brother John and after I had a party at my house I got a call from Jeff. I was so excited thinking that he was going to tell me that John liked me but nope. Jeff had asked me out. Jeff was a nice guy but was living with some woman Melissa (his story was they broke up) which I think is true because once he brought me to her place for a party and I met her very strange. I remember Jeff telling me that he "loved me" and I smiling but not in a way that I felt the same way" I was kind of side swiped. I was thinking, I am only 18/19 years old, I don't love you. Now, I think it was a ploy to try to get into my pants (which he never did). Jeff was a short thing, but also treated me very well. He decided to stick with Missy I think primarily because her parents supported her and he didn't come from such a well to do family and basically felt secure with her. I got that because I was NOT going to be married up or anything. He once told me that he and I had more in common than him and her and that's probably true.

There were some in between but nothing I would call "boyfriend". It was just for exploration (but not the real thing).

Then came Fredrik. Fredrik the Swede. I met him in college and he lived in my dorm. When I first saw him in the cafeteria there was an instant spark. From a far I was instantly attracted to him and then when he opened his mouth I was like he's foregin (very interesting). So a group of my friends basically knew his friends and they invited him out to a party with us. It was a house party on the north side of chicago and really an Art INstitute of Chicag* students having the party. I only knew my group but Fredrik and this other guy Matt who I absolutely couldn't stand kept buzzing around me all night. I remember telling Matt off becuas he was just such a stupid asshole and I thought oh Fredrik is an asshole too. I coudln't stand him. My friend Kelly like Matt and asked me to go to his apt with her. I did. And who was there Fredrik. I was like oh god...these two fucking idiots. Well after time and time (fredrik and matt were old enough to buy beer) we would go to Matt's and drink some nasty alcohol. This was really the first time I really drank. Fredrik and I would talk. Kelly pulled me aside and told me that Fredrik really liked me. I knew that I kind of liked him from a far but after the assholishness (is that a word) at the party I was turned off. Well one night he held my hand and it was instant "chemistry". I felt something inside that I have never ever felt with anyone up until that time. We dated for several months and he even moved into my dorm room (which my mother didn't know about). Then the school year ended and he went back to sweden. Without going into too much detail Fredrik and I shared very special moments together. He was very kind to me and was the love of my life. 7 months later I was in Sweden over Christmas/New Year meeting his parents. The trip was fantastic, his parents LOVED LOVED me and I loved loved them. Fredrik not so much. We fought. I think he was trying to find himself (before he had asked me to move to CA with him) but at that age I wasn't going to. I was scared. Bottom line we went through a huge huge ending of our relationship and details will not be divulged here.

Then there came a guy Bob that I met. Bob was a high school music teacher who smoked cigarettes which made me want to barf anytime I ever kissed him. Bob lived about an hour away in a house with his cousin. I remember kind of liking him but not really. I guess this would have been my rebound guy. Again, I had to cut it off but I think i was kind of mutual. I guess I realized it when I didn't really care if he called or not.

I am not a emotionally expressive person. I am not a woman who fawns over a man and I think I am more like a man in some cases.

THe next person I meet becomes my husband. I am too tired now to write anything but my relationship has been 15 years now, married for almost 9 and I love him like no other. He is an extension of me. He has seen me at my very worst. We have been through death of family members, loss of babies, loss of jobs, relocating to a new city together. I am truly blessed that we have found each other. I knew after a few Morten's that he would be my husband. Instantly I knew. Even as madly in love I was with the Swede it is NOT the same. The universe sent to me a kind, caring, smart, beautiful man and for that I am grateful. I look forward to continue growing old with him and continuing to build our life. I won't write a lot about him in our love affair because it's sacred to me and he will be the father of my child and the person that I will lay with for eternity.

I hope that everyone out there finds the kind of love that will make them happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Marriage is work (any relationship) but it's worth it. I look back in the past and realize that it took that to get me to where I am now. My path to Robert had a lot of bumps along the way but I have made my way.

DC is icy

Today I headed to Ge*rgetown University H*spital for a follow up appointment. I had a mammogram for the first time (due to the breast pain I was/am having) in November which thankfully came back all clear. I still wanted a follow up appointment and they decided to do a breast u/s. Results still all clear. I was told to not drink caffeine for 2 weeks, take primose oil (has anyone taken this before) and to come back in 3-4 months. THey asked me if I had planned to breastfeed and I definetley am planning to. I am just glad that for now this is all fine and I can proceed with the IVF path. I still am really freaked out about it (not sure why) but I am. I mean freaked out about the IVF. I have been through somje painful suguries, procedures and not sure why I am being such a chicken but I am.

Did you hear about the woman who had 8 children at once? Sure you have since it's been on the news. Did she do IVF and why would they put that many embroys into her at once? Sounds very bizarre but I am so happy that the babies are healthy and mom is also healthy.

DC is icy. What a nightmare. I couldn't even walk up my street this morning. My neighbor was kind enough to drive me up the road so that I could take the bus to my appointment. P Obama even laughed today because his children stayed home from school.

I love the snow but the ice sucks ass.

DC has finally settled down

Thank Goodness. Although I worked a short week it was a long week. I love Sundays. Love the idea of cooking dinner for Robert and I and watching our weekly show Desperate H*usewives. He looks forward to watching it as much as I. I have also created a photo blog to post some photos that I'll take around DC.

Today is Dom's birthday! Happy bday Dom!

WEnt to the RE on Friday. When I got into the office she made a comment "It's been a long time". I went for my hsg test in October and it's only been 3 months. I was a bit peeved about this but I thought whatever as long as she knows what she's doing. I asked for the results of Robert's sa. Everything is normal. So now I have to decide when I will do the IVF and I have been asked to call her when we decide. Apparently she needs to put my "calendar" together. I am very disappointed that I haven't lost any weight this entire time. I know time is of the essence but I am looking to do it when the weather warms up a bit. I am also going to start accunpuncture. I found out that my health insurance covers up to 1k so I am going to start on it.

Have a great weekend (what's left of it).

Happy Inaguration Day!

The day has finally come.....after the episode and taste for the crowds at Union Station we decided NOT to go to the swearing in or parade. You heard that it was organized but people who live right outside of the DC area have a different story. They said that they couldn't even get the Metro into the city. Being a DC resident I felt like I was in lock down. Can't move your car, can't get around the city lock down. I could have walked to the fesitivities but it was cold and after a week in NYC I was beat. So I laid under a warm blanket and watched it on my 60 inch tv. What a wonderful day. Senator Feinste*n was such a large part of the day. I told Mr. M that she might run for presidency. Hopefully she calls him again to help her with her computer issues. She's a very powerful woman.

I have fallen in love with his daughter (the little one). She has such character and is such a cutie pie.

Now, I can't wait for things to change.

Back in DC

This past week has been a pretty good week. I headed up to NYC for work on Sunday, had a late meeting on Sunday and then headed back into the office on Monday. We all could agree that the project wasn't as organized as it should have been but I just did what I needed to do. My week basically consisted of teaching classes and walking around and checking on people. It was a really nice office (I camped out in a office which faced NJ and I had a prime view of the Statue *f Liberty and of the bay. I had nice light all day but it was sure cold. People in the office were very nice. Why do NY'ers always get a bad rap? Honestly I think DC folk are bigger assholes.



The entire week were longer hours but it was much less stressful than my office. It was cold as heck there so there wasn't much walking around and everyone was too lazy to get out in the cold even though 90% of them were from Chicago.

The day the plane went down in the Hudson river we saw it from our conference window (not it going down but a view of it). The other side of the building is ground zer* which sort of creeped me out. It looks like they are finally building something there. I have some photos of that but not on my camera (on my cell) so I'll upload a photo of that later.

On the way back to DC Mr. Obama's train was 30 minutes in front of ours so there was a lot of stopping but we finally made it back into DC which was another fun thing all together. There were so many people there trying to get a peek of him but I heard that no one really did. I decided to take the Metr* out of there and then hop into a cab and headed home. Yesterday was the free concert on the Mall but I stayed in. Dc is full of people, I don't dare move my car otherwise I'll never be able to park it. I am contemplating whether or not to go to the parade tomorrow. I just might but I am not in the mood to tackle the crowds. The nicest thing is the buzz around town. People are out enjoying themselves and even for a few days everyone is "happy". I am very excited for the transition and am looking forward to the country heading in another direction.

I also met this Dr. who was attending a medical conference in Boston. Apparently she practices holistic medicine and she and I had a great conversation. She was telling me about a energy healer who will be at the conference she is attending and it's very interesting. I am going to look into it. She also told me a lot about dowsing (sp). I think I was there to meet her during this trip.

Still in NYC

It's so fucking cold here. It's been a great week. Had a lot of good food, worked in a really nice office. Our building is at 2 World Financ*al Center and one side faces ground zero (memorial is finally starting to be built) I'll post pics later, and the other side we saw the plane in the Huds*n River because we have views of the river from our office. I sat in a wonderful office which had a view of the Statue *f Liber*y and it was lovely. It was great to be away from my boss. I feel almost refreshed and it puts a lot into perspective. Bottom line....he's stressful. I know most bosses are but this kind of stress is something that me and my other coworker have talked about. It was just nice being away from the slo* guy I work with and my b*ss.

I leave tomorrow and am planning on spending most of the morning early afternoon in Chinat*wn if it's not too cold.

Tonight I trecked about a 5 minute walk to Wh*le F**ds and almost died. :)

Is it Friday yet?

This week hasn't been a terrible week at work. We brought in some new attorneys/paralegals which means I had to get them up to speed on our systems. It's been a lot of running around, etc. No biggie.

My boss asks me if I'd work in the NY office next week (that office is getting 150 people) of course I say yes. Fancy hotel, free food, time away from shitty DC. I decide that I am going to take the express train up there instead of fly. I'll leave on Sunday and return Saturday. Tonight I get an email that it might be postponed. I hate this unorganized shit. Ridiculous but it's not my bosses fault so I guess I am on stand by with my life (once again). Ok..I am flexible but now I just had to reschedule my appt. with the RE because she had to do a procedure and needed to change to another time of day that I couldn't be there. Good for me that now she'll see me in the local office instead of having to drive to her other office. My appt. is on the 23rd and I am hoping that my stupid job doesn't take me away from it. I need to go to develop what our plan is going to be. I didn't go through the hell procedure HSG for nothing and I AINT doing it again.

I am tired. Today some chick in class (don't you just know when you know that someone is a completely asshole even before you even really know them). Well this chick has some chip on her shoulder (at least a bit) which I need to knock off :)
She asked me the stupid question I think I have ever heard.

The firm provides her a bl*ckberry device. We are in training today and I tell them that they are responsible for the voice portion of the plan but the firm pays for the data portion (this is not my job to explain the billing shit) my job is to SHOW her how to use the device. She asks me, in a very snotty voice "if I am paying for the data part and I text will the firm look at those messages" she said it in a way that the firm wouldn't have "the right" to read them. She made some comment about how if she looked at her Yah** account at work then they would be able to read it. Yep, bitch that's right. Thank goodness a lawyer in my class gave her the shut down and said well "it's firm property therefore they can." I just irritated me. I wanted to give her a slap. I know she wanted to irritate me....and she didn't know that she did. I have taught Governors of state, high level people in the firm this little bitch is nothing to me and she needs to shut the fuck up and listen to what I am trying to help her with. I guess she thinks she's important.

She will be on my shit list of helping her. I know I am being a bitch but sometimes it's just what you gotta do to survive but play the game well.

Oprah

I Tiv* O*rah but I can't stand the cult following that she has. Today she had good old Dr. *z on the show and it was very informative. There is even a blood test that I will ask for which will detect how much inflammation you have in your body. This is important to me why? Well because of the thyroid issues, infertility issues etc. it can be related. Somehow you have to be your own investigator. She's having a series of shows on Mind Body & Spirit this week.

Today was a hard day at work. Do people NOT listen when you ask them to call the HELPDESK for help and not me directly? Now, I understand that since I did their training they somehow feel "comfortable" with me but with only two of us supporting an entire office it's not possible to do this and do the other things that I have to do not to mention support the other users. Tomorrow will be a fresh day and I won't get stressed. I did well with this on Monday.

Got an email from my boss tonight asking if I can go to the NY office next week. I told him that my back was hurting me and as long as I didn't have to pick up machines (really my back is killing me from lifting machines last week). I can't even stand up completely straight but it would be great to be out of DC and go to NY. Not to mention that Mr. M can join me part of the time and we can go to one of our favorite restaurants. I am not sure whether or not I'll be going....but it would be good to get out of DC.

So today for my food journal:

Morning 1 egg, 3 turkey sausage links, 1 hashbrown (I know this is bad for you), 1 cup of coffee

Lunch C*si meatball sandwich, chips (not very healthy)

Dinner spring mix salad with 1 avocado, cherry tomatoes, low fat dressing
snack chocolate covered almonds

I'll do better tomorrow.

Note to self.

Don't eat dried plums late at night. It's not a good idea.

I couldn't have NOT commented about this

Mr. M and I were watching 20/2* last night and the topic was orgasmic childbirth, home birthing and women who carry these newborns dolls which look like real babies (they carry them in strollers). I found the doll story very disturbing. Infertility is a disease and it could bring a woman who experiences it into a very dark and lonely place. I thought that AB* could perhaps run a special on how the government can make infertility treatments more affordable for women. Some women are not as fortunate to have insurance which covers their treatment and IVF or even testing becomes impossible for them. They could also promote adoption or make that more affordable for childless or anyone wanting to adopt a baby. How about running a special on letting gay couples adopt children? I feel that this show was an insult to anyone dealing with infertility! It was disgusting and these women look like crazy people.

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=6517455&page=1

Linda, 49, who asked that her last name be kept private, is one of the few women willing to speak about her relationship with reborns. She says she enjoys taking them out and about with her and comforts them like actual infants.


It sickens me that people are making money at the expense of women who experience the pain of infertility.

Lord, You have made me unique and special. I am like no one else who is or ever will be. You fashioned me with great care in the secret places of my mother’ womb for a specific purpose. Self-pity and critical thinking come when I compare myself to others and let the enemy of my soul have place. I reject all self-pity and critical attitudes. Forgiveness of myself and others reigns supreme in my life. Holy Spirit, please forgive me where I have grieved You by walking according to my own understanding and not Your leading. Moment by moment my heart is being healed and every aspect of my life is coming into alignment with the Word and the love of Father. I am a chosen vessel who fully expresses a heart of gratitude and praise. Amen

AHHHH it's a New Year!

A clean slate. A NEW YEAR. I am looking forward to this year. The past two have just been in limbo...but this will be a better year. Today I will organize and spend the day reflecting on goals for myself. I will be more true to myself, not feel guilty about certain things and above all else put my myself, my husband, my family at that forefront of my life.

Last night Mr. M worked late (as I did) and we decided just to stay in. It was blustery here and I wasn't about to go out into a crowd (especially since my back hurt from all the moving around lifitng yesterday). I was just content kissing my husband and kitties at midnight. What more could I ask for? To me it doesn't matter where I am but as long as I was with them.

Happy New Year to all of you! This year will be a great year for our country to turn around with a fresh, new administration in office. Let's all being joyous and hopeful!