Strange dreams

I had some really weird dreams last night or this morning. I didn't wake up until about 11:30ish and I think I went to bed at 1:30am? I slept well and have been since getting our new filters. I did wake up cold a few times because I decided to turn the heat off since it was 60 degrees here yesterday. I hate being hot when I sleep. I usually just wear a light cotton tshirt to bed. I am very particular in my bed linens since I only sleep with a good quality cotton. I have really itchy skin and anything else feels scratchy like sandpaper.

Back to the dreams. This morning I had a dream that me and my cats were in the bathtub and my cats were under the water. Apparently they were just sitting there as they always do and I panicked and took them out of the water. They were "living" under the water like this was normal. The second dream that I can remember is that I went to some store and had to go to the bathroom. I always have these dreams that I need to go to the bathroom in public place and the stall door never shuts and I have to go #2 in front of people. Yikes. too much information but it's something I always dream about. After I used the bathroom I went to some store or something. While leaving the store I went out a back door which let to this other room and in that room there were a lot of different people standing around talking. I was trying to figure my way back out when someone said we go this way. Then I was on some sort of roller coaster. I know this dream has to deal with any phobia that I might have because I HATE HATE HATE rollercoasters. I have never liked them. I am terrified to go on one. I have been on a "little" one before but none of those really terrifying ones that you find at Six Fl@gs. While on the roller coaster I did ok but then we stopped and at that stop you go off and were in some park. While on this rollercoaster I met this guy who said he was a friend of my friend Natasha (who I completely trust). He said that we could make our way through this park. IT wasn't that easy. This park was full of criminals and you were told for your safety that you would need to run really fast to get through it. I started running and ran into some scary people but then Mr. M woke me up (thankfully). This particular dream was one of those dreams which is hard to wake from. Frigging bizarre.

For those reading this blog who also struggle with infertility there is a great new website out there. I found it reading Martha Stew*rt's daughter's blog on Whatever Radi*. Al@xis really does respond to your comments.

It's been a very long week. I found out from someone that 400 people were laid off from one of the largest law firms. Crazy huh? A lot of them lawyers. DC has thankfully pretty much stayed afloat but some firms are getting hit hard primarily due to the industry their clients are in. All I can say is that healthcare is BOOMING. Corporate is also booming because of all the mergers/acquisitions. I am not a lawyer (thank GOD) but I am sure as shit busy. I am hoping that my boss is really looking for someone to hire to help us out.

I want to do my IVF this spring and come hell or high water I am doing it. My boss has been really stressed out lately and a few days ago I had to call him to ask him about some client/meeting that was being set up that no one knew anything about. We have this group which shall remain nameless who think the sun sets and rises on them (it's disgusting and down right shameful) but the shit is what it is and whatever. So my boss kind of snapped at me but I just said "Uh, ok" and let it go. Honestly I completely forgot about it. In the morning before he even takes his coat off he walks to my desk and says "Mrs. M (my first name) I am really sorry that I yelled at you, I just wanted to apologize, I was up thinking about it last night and I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I know you have "my back" or something like that, more than anyone" I just nodded, "Yep, I do" and it's fine. Really I forgot about it and let it go. I told him that we all get stressed and I get it, but again he apologized. I don't know why he made such a big deal of it. I feel that you have to let people vent do whatever they need to do to get through that situation. I have been treated 1,000 times worse from my previous motherfucker boss. I am really lucky to have the boss that I do.

On Ash Wednesday I went to Mass after work. It was standing room only and it was a great mass. Lately I have been listening to a lot of things. I also have inquired about a few things which deal with energy healing, etc. I don't really want to write about those things here but will share anything that I might learn and should share. I feel that I am in a good place now and it's where I want to be.

Have you ever seen someone sleeping sitting down in a chair? My husband was working at his computer tonight and I could only see the back of him. He had moved to the right and I yelled out his name. It scared the shit out of me. He was sleeping but I had thought something happened. It really scared me for a moment.

So far it's been a productive day

Woke up late (went to sleep late). I got up at 4am and Mr. M was working. When I woke up he left for work. He's really been busting his ass and I worry about him. Mr. M has the kind of mind that ALWAYS has to be busy. His business is doing well (thankfully) even though the economy has slowed down. He has some high end clients which are quite famous politically but I will not write about them here.

The housing market seems to be getting strong again because houses are coming on the market. We'll just continue to try to save money until we find something. The other big question is when we'll do our cycle. The air purifiers is doing wonders in our place. I have noticed a drastic difference in the air quality and this makes me quite happy. I did a lot of organizing today, washing clothes, etc. There's a ton to do but I will just do it as I can. I am really anal about my desk being clutter free at work and it's a bit crazy. For some reason my space MUST be in order. I even wipe my desk down weekly. And I had the nerve to tell my boss that he's anal? HA HA He is when it comes to putting out cables neatly. I understand the point but I can never get them that neat. Maybe it's a guy thing but I really don't give a shit how the cables are gathered.

I have taken a break from the Faceb**k thing since it seems like such a waste of time. I am not sure why I created a page in the first place. It's nice to get back in touch with people but it's still kind of boring which brings me to this blog. I write on this blog only to get my thoughts down. Sort of a "release" and as much as I would love to create a blog with photos I am resistant to do so. When I get pregnant and want to show baby photos etc. I'll create a blog and password protect it. Somehow I just it doesn't settle right with me to have photos of myself out on the internet for all to see and I want to be able to write about what I want to write about. I don't access it from work because they are the last people I want reading about my personal life.

There are many items on my check list:
1. Pinpoint time to do IVF
2. Start accunpucture
3. Go for a teeth cleaning
4. Go for a physical exam
5. Exercise more

All of these things are things that will prep my body for pregnancy or just to be healthy. I have nearly cut out all soda and sweets. I have been drinking a lot of pineapple juice (which is said to be good for the uterus) and eating more fruits and vegetables. I have noticed that my breast pain hasn't been as prevalent and I am thinking that the soda has a link. I am still having a cup of coffee each morning because I desperately need it to get through the day at the "induced high blood pressure" job. I may not be grammatically correct but I don't care.

Oh and one more thing..have you seen the Ri*anna photos of her beaten up (allegedly) by that arshole? I can't believe that those pictures leaked. I feel sorry for her that she has to be victimized by an arshole and then by the media. It's awful and whoever did it should be ashamed of themselves. I hope something good comes from this since she's such a role model for young girls that it's NOT ok to have anyone ever put their hands on you. And why isn't he in jail? Even if she didn't press charges (which she would be crazy not to) why isn't he sitting in a jail cell?

Happy Saturday!

Feeling much better

I made sure I was out of there by 5pm today. Had to run an errand on the way home so needed to be out the door promptly at 5pm. By the time I got home I felt a lot better. Stopped at the grocery store and Mr. M was home (which is unusual) before me. He's putting together our new heavy dute, made in switzerland air filters. If you are interested in buying a high end filer let me know and I'll give you the website address. They are not inexpensive but very necessary for us. At night I can't sleep because my nose is all stuffed up and we have two cats which both sleep with us. I hope that getting this filter will resolve some of those issues. I am hyper sensitive to a lot of shit. I just hope it's worth all the money we spent on them.


Micro-particle filtration
Eliminates micro-particles such as pollen, pet dander and mold spores.
Granular activated carbon adsorption
Eliminates volatile organic compounds (VOC), which are responsible for odors.
Pelletized chemisorption
Destroys harmful chemicals, such as formaldehyde, by an oxidation process inside a chemically active alumina pellet.
HyperHEPA® filtration
Eliminates bacteria, viruses and combustion particles from automobiles and smoke, through a nano-fiber structure.

Today I hate my job

I hate that my employer doesn't rwaliE that 2 people can't support 200 people. I hate that my boss thinks that everything is an emergency. I hate that I am stuck here for the insurance. I hate that I am wasting away here doing a job I was not hired for.

Hold your comments lucky to have a job etc because I don't want to hear it.

Happy President's Day

Body language in this photo says it all

Today is a day to get caught up on business stuff for Robert. I have loads of purchases and things to print and things to calculate etc. I wish I had more time to devote to his business but having a full time job myself it's hard. It would be wonderful if he got so busy that I could quit my job and work with him. Right now though we need the income and more importantly the health insurance. Once this economy picks up I think I'll look to make a change. I feel stangnant in my job not moving forward and not seeing any progress forward. Somedays I wish I had stayed where I was because at least I would only have one role instead of 3-4. I know at the time I needed to make the change but lately I just feel non productive. I don't want to settle into one position and become lazy and comfortable. I KNOW that I am not happy where I am but am stuck because of this infertility stuff. My RE looked at me and said "you need to have a baby and quit that job." WOW. She's right. Truth is I don't like to talk about work but everyone knows what the situation is there so it's not a surprise. I am SO grateful to have the job and I do my very best while I am there but it's not fulfilling anymore. I am really contemplating trying to get a job in the government nad have spoken to a few people about it.

Our plans 1) have a baby and 2) get a house that we like. I am fixed on what are goals are and whatever I need to do to make that happen I am going to do.

I also have been waking up with a headache, sore throat which I think is related to the dust/mold. It used to never bother me but it does. I even notice that my big kitty breathes loudly (I have had her checked several times at the vet) so we decided to get two high end filters. Mr. M spent most of the morning on the phone with the company (because you can't buy them in the store). If you are interested in knowing about it email me. I am looking forward to getting them as soon as possible. I really didn't want to spend the money but it's money well spent if it helps our health. No matter where we live we'll need it. The rest of my day I'll be doing laundry and cleaning up. I feel lazy :(

Where are you Sarah P*lin

SP should really be reaching out and helping people in her state. While she sits in her warm house others are suffering. I have been to Artic Vill*ge in the northern slope of Alaska and living conditions are not good. We landed there while on our honeymoon in 2000. We walked about a mile to a store to pick up a few groceries and food prices were outrageous. Understandably so since they have to fly everything in but how does one survive? Alcholism and gambling is also prevalent in this area (which they don't discuss in this article). I wish somehow this economy helps these people.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/09/rural.alaska.villages/index.html

Valentines Day was relaxing. Robert worked most of the day but I told him that I made reservations for us at 8:30. He came home about 6:00 (very early for him) and had a horrible headache. I felt bad and said that maybe we should cancel but he took some aspirin and laid down for a bit. We did go out for dinner which was nice then to the grocery store and then home and passed out asleep. V day is just another holiday even if you do have a valentine. I don't need to profess my love just on one day. I cherish Robert every day.

It's hot today like 72 in the middle of winter and it's suppposed to snow on Saturday. How crazy is that? My knee hurts from working out...it must be going to rain. My period decided to show up just 4 days late. Knew that I wasn't pregnant but why is it late? I guess getting older.

Did I mention that I am tired? Argh.

Convo with my boss today while I was helping him set out his fantasy football trophys in a conference room (not work related)

Him: lay out the bags neatly
Me: Gosh, you are anal :)
Him: you think I am anal
Me: YES

I love that I can say that to him.

Remarkable Story

It's kind of strange but really a generous gift.

-I had a very strong spiritual experience today. A woman "prayed on me" and I felt God.

-I am enjoying the warm temperatures.

-I worked out yesterday, decided not to today.

-I am hiring a trainer.

-I am tired.

-I found out that a girl in my 8th grade science class married our science teacher (after college she said). Faceb**k really connects you to people.

-I reconnected with a friend from college. I found out that her father passed away last year. The funny thing is we are both software trainers. Who would have thunk?

-I feel hopeful in what President Obama can do for our country.

-I had a very meaningful conversation with my husband about what our goals are for the next 10 years. We have been married almost 9.

Held hostage at home

Thinking of running out to Target but feel too lazy. I slept until 11:30 today and it was wonderful. I should be going out for a walk and I just might.

Today

Today my day began not being able to get a cab to work. Where the hell are all the cabs in the morning in DC? I think there must be half the cabs there was when they were charging their gas tax, etc. So I decide my only option is to take my smelly limo (Metr* bus) to work. I am lucky to get a seat and the woman behind me is talking on the cell phone is some foreign language that I have never heard before but not speaking in a normal voice. Instead she is talking as if she is speaking to someone in the other side of the room (way on the other side of the room). I am annoyed. Everyone of course is looking at her and I so wanted to turn around and ask her to shut the fuck up. I know bitchy. FINALLY she gets off the fucking bus meanwhile woman on my left makes 20 calls to her friends exclaiming that she's going to Russia just found out today and if her friends are going to visit. I am fine with cell phone usage but what the fuck did these people do without cell phones. They also have to announce of of their business in front of strangers. Finally annoying chick number 2 gets off the bus.

Work. Work was supposed to be a easy day since the partners are gone on their retreat but it isn't slow for us. Fuck no. My retard fucking coworker let a project sit all week (didn't tell anyone that we needed to help him with it) and I spent my afternoon walking around trying to get as much done as possible. At 4:15 I decide I have a horrible headache and wrap up my own shit to do to get out at 5pm.

Then there's the ride home. Now of COURSE I have to sit in front another person on the phone speaking again like they are at a bar. I want to get one of those devices that disconnects people from their convos. I really do and I am considering getting one.

Can't you tell I am expecting my period this weekend. I better stay in or I might otherwise punch some mfer out today.

Peace out.

ARGH

Went to work today because I had a few meetings and a class to teach tomorrow (needed to prep). I am having some intenstinal issues today. Yikes. Partners are all leaving for a retreat which means things will be slow *praying*

Day of Rest

I woke up for work and felt so tired and crappy I decided to take the day off. I slept all day long. I know that I need to take care of myself first. I still have a headache that won't go away. I am not if it's because of sleeping so much, the lack of caffeine or it's just a symptom of being sick.

Monday Monday Monday

Today is my grandma's 87th birthday. I am lucky enough to still have both of my grandmothers. My other grandma will by 87 in May. Both have their minds 100% and are relatively healthy. I told my grandma I hope I live until her age (especially with her nice skin and good health) and she told me that I will or at least if I am as healthy as her I would like to. Her husband died when my father was 13 years old and she never remarried. Never had a boyfriend, nada. Italian families tend to live together and her and my aunt moved in with my father after his divorce to the wicked step mother.

I don't usually watch the Superb*wl but I have to say the last minutes were pretty exciting (me and Mr. M watch the commercials, I know pathetic) but just can't get into it and thank goodness he isn't.

The weather was almost 60 today here in DC and it was lovely. I was able to get out for 30 minutes grab lunch and take a long walk back to the office and soaked up some sun.

Made reservations to a restaurant for V day since everything tends to book up. Long weekend that week (closed President's Day). :) Very happy.

Thought I'd post this commercial. It's f*cking hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79tMMFja-Fw